Inconsiderate ..
I feel like I've been totally inconsiderate of your needs Mel for a while now. Mostly because I've had the chance to get through uni and have such an awesome time waiting on God through my uncertainties, although I must admit some of the time I thought God was driving me in the wrong direction. But it seems thats where you are now. With silence from med schools and now a rejection, it must seem like your plans and God's don't match at all and that of course his will must be done so you must subject yoruself to his will.
the only truth in that precious sentence is part b so to speak. You must subject your self to God and his will must be done.There is no better way . But there are other ways.
When we got through our A levels you know I didn't perform well at all. So I had a lot going on in my life but I just couldn't piece my engineering dream with my grades. Plus my dad got soo upset that his clever daughter had gone and flunked out that he wouldn't speak to me all summer. But in this I had a quiet confidence in God and trust me I don't know where it came from. I believe I'm one of those natural born fighters. I may not look like i ;m actively pursuing something but I do go after things with a stubborn heart knowing I will get them so thanks to this I got myself placed in a good university (I know I should say God got me this place but I just want to acknowledge taht its the God given gift too fight that got me there).
Once in Uni God started opening my eyes to me! This was really great. When people say the truth hurts they arent' lying. But When Gid says he is good he is definately not lying. I got through his corrections and his changing me pretty well because he surrounded me with people who actually genuinely loved me You and Liz being the dearest of them.
IN Uni I learnt that God LOVES me. Yes he loves Charlene Wangui Maina. Even if my mind is polluted withteh things of the world. Even though I allow sin in my life once in a while. Even though my actions don't really reflect christianity...... HE LOVES ME
As a result I figured I should love him too. After all we love him because he first loved us right??
Loving GOD came with its responsibilities and results. I no longer wanted to sin and if I did I felt like crap. But I think the most important thing I learnt is that if I love God then it should be reflected in Perfect Trust in him and his will for my life.
So After a struggle I asked God to teach me to trust him. I think my biggest obstacle was financial trust. I went moths without money and with great needs. And every time God provided for the first few. Then it seemed like he stopped but I had to just keep trusting to the last morsel of food.But in the end I think money stopped being my master (I won't say I'm completely free coz sometimes I have struggles paying my tithe)
Little by little I've learnedd to trust him in more areas.
Basicaclly when I was leavng unii I wasn't sure whawt to do I had a strongn feeling abouut comming home theh wordd but teverything arouond me screamed staty. You know witht my family stuation gettng worse wenddy beng pregnant and dKenya's employment badd. But I knew I hadd dto come. So I did. Tthen the job hunt. Ihad my hang ups because of A level and uni etc and alsos just didnt' know where to look foor a job. I was fixated on uunet even got t ajob there but t wasn't what tmmade me happy. Then God just opened the door at KDN and yuo know oI'm doding great.
So just trust you'll be alright
XxX
Love You
my blue top
today i finally got my rejection letter from hms. anyway, it's all good. God has other plans...
but on a sweeter note. my friend curtis got me a beautiful blue top. how nice of him...something out of the blue;)
now for the white pants that'll go with it...
africa!
so i sent this to bbc's "why i love africa" stories twice...but eh yeah that was about it. anyway, figured i'd make use of it in the blog. figured it'd feel very much at home...
It's in Papa Wemba's mellow voice, Yvonne Chaka Chaka thanking the D.J. for playing her song. It's in the rumba, the Swahili rap, the kwaito and the unforgettable tune of a local guitar that takes me to a sunny day in Africa, sipping on orange Fanta.
It's in our jokes about everything from a minister responding to the Queen of England's fantastic treatment as "cocalistic" to jokes between tribes amidst evident tension sometimes. It's the way we take life as it comes. The way we stare on the roadside at occurrences, be it the preacher telling us about the gospel or the street kid being beaten up by a policeman. If we are “lucky,” the truck carrying beer or milk overturns and we get the beverages for free.
It's in the love of our rich food from groundnut sauce, to plantains, to nyama choma! Our fresh fruits: the mangoes, the jackfruits, and the bananas…
It’s in the way, we support our football teams and still believe that one day, yes, an African team will win the world cup.
It’s in the way that despite our admiration for the west from the music to the fashion that has somehow found its way to Africa, we still celebrate our own. It’s in our movies, which do not always meet Hollywood caliber yet make us laugh, be it for the low quality and sometimes unrealistic storylines to the rich African humor itself. It’s in our storytelling, our proverbs and may I add local gossip, which make us laugh and bring us together. It’s in our morals, our wise parents, who discipline us by the rod and we respect them and take care of them when they are old. I love Africa for this and so much more. Thank God He made me African.
lyrics
Steven Curtis Chapman God Is God lyrics
And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don?t know
And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He?s painting
God is God and I am man
So I?ll never understand it all
For only God is God
And the sky begins to thunder
And I?m filled with awe and wonder
?Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I
Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass
Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things
So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone
she
who is she
that the world defines?
what is woman?
who is a woman?
is she the one
clad delicately in stockings?
when she is african
is her hair braided?
does it fall slightly beneathe the nape of her neck
or does it caress her forehead?
do her hands slide gracefully over her hips?
does she batter her eyelids and reveal hints of mascara?
what is woman?
who is a woman?
does she leave a trail of ester lauder
or christian dior
as she walks?
as she walks in the heels ever so high?
is she seemingly perfect?
flawless
if she is black
is her skin like milk chocolate?
with a smooth finish
unblemished
who defines woman?
does she spend endless hours in the kitchen?
creating masterpiece after masterpiece
does she sew, knit
iron clothes just right?
who is this woman?
they say God made woman
perhaps He defines womanhood and all that's in it
is it simply being?
simply loving?
simply being loved?
resting in His arms, in His all, in His everything
and being what He has called her to be?
i can be a woman too
if it all it takes is knowing God
because if He gave me this role
He'll show me how to play it
so who is a woman?
the girl i guess
the girl who looks in the mirror
and sees her reflection
fair, rich, smooth, spotless
freckled, plain, sometimes unseen
jeans, sweatpants, suit, bra
everything and nothing
in those who defined womanhood
but always something in He who defined her
(copyright;))
