Blog?
Its been ages.
I'm not even sure I see much value in blogging.
But today I feel like letting something out. Not sure what but there is something in me that needs a release and I hope I find it as I type.
God's been exceptionally good to me. But I am conflicted.
How is it that even when God is working things out for me, they seem so off?
I know the popular answer but its just not enough today.
I feel like i have been patient and followed that little voice inside as far as I could and when I fell have run back to God and asked for forgiveness, but something is still not right. I don't feel complete.
I asked the Holy spirit what to do about it. I'm frustrated at not being able to pray because of the beliefs I have in my head. I want to always pray Gods' will and i want to always pray from a position of victory but its been hard in the last two weeks. Really hard.
Holy Spirit, said I, give me a prayer I can pray in English where I don't sound like a complaining kid but still will get my needs met.
Pray the Lords prayer, He says.
The what ? I said
I challenge you to pray the lords prayer every day and see what happens
Let me tell you folks, that is much more difficult than it sounds, especially when the acts of obedience required of me at the moment contradict my view of doing things, and when I feel so much is at stake.
If ever I needed strengthening it is now. If ever I needed Grace it is now. If ever I needed to just be me, it is now. But now is when I feel most guilty about taking my cares to God. I guess I have convinced myself somehow that since He knows my needs then its lack of faith to ask.
However, it is still I who tells people that God is full of Grace and will take you as you are and will not judge.. so why is it so difficult for me to fall apart before Him, TO cry out in front of His temple. To tell Him I need His Help.
Why is it I haven't even said the Lords prayer every day?
....
Yes I had a moment there ( a waterworks moment ) I have just cried and I feel a little better but I know I need to cry some more. I need to unburden myself on He who promised to take care of me.
I need to let Him so with every quiet moment i get Lord, I am going to be vulnerable and allow myself to be weak before you, to be stupid before you and to be empty before you. Because only you are my strength only you can give me wisdom and only you can fill me up to overflowing.
XxX
Kui
I'm not even sure I see much value in blogging.
But today I feel like letting something out. Not sure what but there is something in me that needs a release and I hope I find it as I type.
God's been exceptionally good to me. But I am conflicted.
How is it that even when God is working things out for me, they seem so off?
I know the popular answer but its just not enough today.
I feel like i have been patient and followed that little voice inside as far as I could and when I fell have run back to God and asked for forgiveness, but something is still not right. I don't feel complete.
I asked the Holy spirit what to do about it. I'm frustrated at not being able to pray because of the beliefs I have in my head. I want to always pray Gods' will and i want to always pray from a position of victory but its been hard in the last two weeks. Really hard.
Holy Spirit, said I, give me a prayer I can pray in English where I don't sound like a complaining kid but still will get my needs met.
Pray the Lords prayer, He says.
The what ? I said
I challenge you to pray the lords prayer every day and see what happens
Let me tell you folks, that is much more difficult than it sounds, especially when the acts of obedience required of me at the moment contradict my view of doing things, and when I feel so much is at stake.
If ever I needed strengthening it is now. If ever I needed Grace it is now. If ever I needed to just be me, it is now. But now is when I feel most guilty about taking my cares to God. I guess I have convinced myself somehow that since He knows my needs then its lack of faith to ask.
However, it is still I who tells people that God is full of Grace and will take you as you are and will not judge.. so why is it so difficult for me to fall apart before Him, TO cry out in front of His temple. To tell Him I need His Help.
Why is it I haven't even said the Lords prayer every day?
....
Yes I had a moment there ( a waterworks moment ) I have just cried and I feel a little better but I know I need to cry some more. I need to unburden myself on He who promised to take care of me.
I need to let Him so with every quiet moment i get Lord, I am going to be vulnerable and allow myself to be weak before you, to be stupid before you and to be empty before you. Because only you are my strength only you can give me wisdom and only you can fill me up to overflowing.
XxX
Kui
