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if anyone asks me how i'm doing i usually say "fine" "good" "okay...." really depends. but of late, in all honesty i've been feeling rather exhausted. i've prayed for strength to stay up and do the necessary studying but sometimes i just find myself dozing over my books...struggling to get up in the morning and i ask how can i do this God? this is just my first year in med school i have a long way to go and i just feel like i'm losing some drive here. i guess it's reassuring to know that God has some master plan and He has it all figured out anyway. It's reassuring to know that God isn't surprised what i'm feeling. i guess the issue in all this is just trusting that God has this going somewhere even though i feel the way i feel. i can't trust myself. i can't trust my feelings i can only trust God. there's something more comforting in trusting that God has it altogether than in trusting that i have it altogether. take my exam for instance...it's this Friday...am i exactly prepared? not really. i've tried to study but have been fighting a battle with sleep, lack of concentration and mild burn out. maybe i should be trusting God here. maybe i should realize that even though i feel the way i do, it's what God says that counts. it's a hard thing to hold onto though, that even in fear and uncertainty that there's someone beneathe it all...there's someone who hasn't forgotten you, there's someone who's painting it all just right.
