something more
my summer has been an interesting one. it's like in the beginning i did a lot of what i felt like. now, i'm staying away from what i felt like doing. i mean my subscription to netflix, well that's something else now. i have a dvd sitting on my futon that i haven't watched in weeks. i have several movies from the library that are sitting in their plastic bag patiently waiting to be returned (hopefully without an overdue fine). i think i was as dry as ever coming in to the summer - talk about a piece of dry toast...super dry toast. what i needed so much was just the touch of God in my life. i wanted Him to come in and water my soul and restore it. i wanted to feel revived. I wanted to breathe again instead of feeling clogged up with the wants and desires of being in my early twenties.
i thought i would fast, but i didn't. maybe i did uninitentionally...i've found myself staying away from things. things that are draining. things that i feel that might just compete with my spirit for God's attention if you know what i'm saying. i feel like i'm at a tender point right now. that i just shouldn't allow anything to come and mess it up. God's got my hand on me, He always has (whether i knew it or i didn't) but this time it feels different. I can't put my finger on it. All i know is that sometimes when we wait for God, we wait and wait and wait. it's really painful but we do a little something to get refreshed in His goodness. It's almost like a cold drink of passion juice (or some other great juice) on a crazy hot day. And then we have our sip and then leave. I think i've had my sip. But i shouldn't leave. There's something more that i should do. Maybe, it's time to do it all differently. I got what I needed but I can't keep on going away then coming back...there's supposed to be a sea of passion juice! maybe there are some things that i really have to give up. Maybe there is some extra baggage that i should quit carrying.
I've reached some sort of crossroad and i pray that i'm strong enough to leave what i need to leave behind so i can embrace the fullness of God.
