Inconsiderate ..
I feel like I've been totally inconsiderate of your needs Mel for a while now. Mostly because I've had the chance to get through uni and have such an awesome time waiting on God through my uncertainties, although I must admit some of the time I thought God was driving me in the wrong direction. But it seems thats where you are now. With silence from med schools and now a rejection, it must seem like your plans and God's don't match at all and that of course his will must be done so you must subject yoruself to his will.
the only truth in that precious sentence is part b so to speak. You must subject your self to God and his will must be done.There is no better way . But there are other ways.
When we got through our A levels you know I didn't perform well at all. So I had a lot going on in my life but I just couldn't piece my engineering dream with my grades. Plus my dad got soo upset that his clever daughter had gone and flunked out that he wouldn't speak to me all summer. But in this I had a quiet confidence in God and trust me I don't know where it came from. I believe I'm one of those natural born fighters. I may not look like i ;m actively pursuing something but I do go after things with a stubborn heart knowing I will get them so thanks to this I got myself placed in a good university (I know I should say God got me this place but I just want to acknowledge taht its the God given gift too fight that got me there).
Once in Uni God started opening my eyes to me! This was really great. When people say the truth hurts they arent' lying. But When Gid says he is good he is definately not lying. I got through his corrections and his changing me pretty well because he surrounded me with people who actually genuinely loved me You and Liz being the dearest of them.
IN Uni I learnt that God LOVES me. Yes he loves Charlene Wangui Maina. Even if my mind is polluted withteh things of the world. Even though I allow sin in my life once in a while. Even though my actions don't really reflect christianity...... HE LOVES ME
As a result I figured I should love him too. After all we love him because he first loved us right??
Loving GOD came with its responsibilities and results. I no longer wanted to sin and if I did I felt like crap. But I think the most important thing I learnt is that if I love God then it should be reflected in Perfect Trust in him and his will for my life.
So After a struggle I asked God to teach me to trust him. I think my biggest obstacle was financial trust. I went moths without money and with great needs. And every time God provided for the first few. Then it seemed like he stopped but I had to just keep trusting to the last morsel of food.But in the end I think money stopped being my master (I won't say I'm completely free coz sometimes I have struggles paying my tithe)
Little by little I've learnedd to trust him in more areas.
Basicaclly when I was leavng unii I wasn't sure whawt to do I had a strongn feeling abouut comming home theh wordd but teverything arouond me screamed staty. You know witht my family stuation gettng worse wenddy beng pregnant and dKenya's employment badd. But I knew I hadd dto come. So I did. Tthen the job hunt. Ihad my hang ups because of A level and uni etc and alsos just didnt' know where to look foor a job. I was fixated on uunet even got t ajob there but t wasn't what tmmade me happy. Then God just opened the door at KDN and yuo know oI'm doding great.
So just trust you'll be alright
XxX
Love You
1 Comments:
it's funny you say you feel soo incosiderate b/c i know you love me much:D..in other words i wasn't thinking that. anyway, thanx, yes God will take care of all of this...someone's car alarm has gone off and it's clashing with jaci's crystal clear...a bit annoying. anyway, just have to totally fall into His arms and trust Him. like totally. kind of like the rock the dummy game...
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