hmmmm
so i figure if i use this blog thing more often it may just simply be my "vent spot." don't really like the sound of that but maybe that's what it's there for...at least your listening cowi. so i've figured that my prayer life has been reduced to constant mumbling. i kinda wake up, lying on my side and mutter a few things about my friends, family and self...somewhere end or it's kind of those prayers with the the three dots at the end (...). wow i can't remember the grammatical term for that (as in the three dots). anyway, like i said before i was reading the bible (entire) and i got slightly bored today (i think it's because of reading a huge chunk). then med school. the strangest thing happened to me yesterday. well so in the morning i started freaking out about hearing from them, then doubted my passion. i wondered whether God really wants me doing this whole med school thing. i've always wanted to work with kids regarding health and tehir personal development and everytime i tell someone they are like "wow that's a noble cause." (just on the side, i hate that). so i took my mcats (didn't do as well as i'd hoped) but applied to med school anyway because God is bigger than that right? and now i'm just waiting to hear something, anything (well something positive at least). and since i'm not hearing anything i wonder whether it'll be reduced to one of those if'it's-meant-to-be-God-will-make-it-work situations or my life will take a totally different path and i'll find myself doing something else and find out how that really worked for me. that's real scary though coz i've had this dream most of my life. then i question maybe it's my dream for me not God's dream for me. ahhhhh. so back to the interesting thing that happened yesterday. i was telling a friend about this state of mind, then later on in the af'noon, a friend from fellowship group comes along to drop off a christmas present from the leader...christi (on the side she's really neat. she actually came to college and she wasn't a christian etc...and her surname begins with an "s" so her email add from the beginning was christis@...isn't that awesome, christis or christ is @...). well it was this huge thing ( 8 by 11) and i'm like what on earth is this? and i opened it and there is this bound up document full of photocopied pages. yep, i'm first i'm thinking "interesting gift." turns out it's this collection by global urban trek, about poverty in developing countries and issues that i hope to pursue later on like justice, social development, health, AIDS, prostitution (mainly child)...it's actually awesome and all this is from a spiritual perspective. so i'm thinking "wow" but at the same time there's that is-this-really-for-you voice in my head...so right now i'm kinda at the point of "thank you God for the gift" and i'll be reading the whole thing through. there's really no climax to this story if you were expecting one. the fact is i'm still waiting. waiting to hear from God. waiting for something to happen. it's just weird not knowing but i guess that's why there's something called "trust." funny, someone once said it's not that good things happen to people while they wait, good things happen to people who act while they wait. i don't know what "acting" i should be doing right now. the only thing that makes sense to me is getting to know God more. so i act on that, and i'm back to square one..the mumbled prayers..the chapatis...the reading thru the bible. oh God that you would just breathe on me and make my time with you SOMETHIN'...like i'm really loving you.
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